i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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