I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Randomize
