She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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