when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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