ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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