I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
