Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
