I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
