i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
