im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
