Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
