Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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