I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
