no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
