tell your sister to shave her snatch
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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