Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
