Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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