please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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