So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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