I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
