someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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