Define "chronic" masturbator.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
