i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
