I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
