"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
