How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
