it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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