i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
