remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
