If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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