Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
