Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
