Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
