my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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