i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
