i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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