his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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