nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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