Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
