then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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