so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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