forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
