yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
