My nipple is on Facebook.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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