that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
