you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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