I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
