you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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