i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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