Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
