dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
