I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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