So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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