Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
