I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
