lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Everyone says I win the strip club
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
